Friday, 4 January 2013

Living in the Present -

"There may be life in the future, and there was certainly life in the past, but my footing is in the present. Today is where the past has it's meaning, and where the future is shaped.  Looking far forward, mapping out my life in the future, I waste the power of the present.  And lingering in the past, twisting it's circumstances and falsifying it's memory is an injustice to both past and present. I am thankful that my past has brought me to this present, where I am learning to use all my energy and spirit to live."
For Today, Overeater's Anonymous  - January 4th Meditation - Page 4.

This was so important for me to read today, and something that I must continue keep fresh in mind.  I need to learn to live in the present moment.  To not obsess the past that I cannot change and not worry about the future I have no control over. I spend an abnormal amount of time trying to control things in my life that I simply do not have any control over.  And then I get ridiculously hard on myself, of course.  I need to set realistic expectations of my day and learn acceptance, patience and self-respect.

What does reliving the past do for me, other than keep me stuck in a negative, sad mindset? Nothing.
What does trying to control the future do for me other than waste valuable and precious time? Nothing.

In fact, it prevents me from living each day.  I become unaware of my surroundings and I miss out on the wonderful people who surround me, and the countless ways I could be celebrating life each day. It's a means of isolating myself from the reality of today and truly makes me miserable within my own skin.  I find myself screaming horrendous things within and self-bullying - which is slowly chipping away the happiness from my soul.

Today is the day I take back my recovery.  I need to actively participate in my own well-being, because no one else can drop happiness off on my doorstep.  The longer I do this to myself, the more I lose my spirit.  I don't want to fall back into the pits of my past life because I am not that girl anymore.  I have grown and flourished into someone who craves a healthier mindset.  Someone who not only feels energetic and eats healthy, but someone who can for the first time love the skin she is in.

So what will I do, then? 
- I will pick up my OA meditation book and read the daily entry each day.
- I will actively read and participate when time allows in the Overeater's Anonymous online forums.
- I will attend an OA meeting every day (Monday nights  are face to face meetings & online meetings every other day)
- I will pick up my literature and read it often.  The big book, my 12x12, and Voices of Recovery book.
- I will actively share with you all the accomplishments, the learnings, the challenges and keep it real.
- I will work in my workbook as often as I possibly can.
- I will work  through all 12 steps, successfully, no matter how hard it is.
- I will keep close contact with my sponsor.
- I will stay true to my abstinent list and always portion, measure food and be mindful of  how I am feeling.
- I will use all of my tools daily, that are present to help me with my recovery.
- I will log off of this blog and take the first step into my recovery by reading chapter one of my 12x12.

Overall, I need to embrace what recovery does for me, when I am present emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.  I am deserving. 

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