Thursday, 23 February 2012

Acknowledging accomplishments ~

Abstinence day #: 6 !!

91 lbs is a lot of weight lost, and I've more to go.
When I started this journey, I weighed 315 lbs and now I weigh in at 223.
That is something worth celebrating, for sure..
I was going to hold off on pictures, but I think I will get some pictures for comparison in the next couple of days..

As I travel this journey, my self-esteem grows and I feel tremendous, seriously.. I know everything comes in steps and I have to work my ass off to achieve it.  That's fine because no matter how hard the work is, if it feels rewarding in the end then I am a happy girl & know it was very worth it..  What I struggle with though is looking in that mirror and seeing the girl that weighs 223..  I can focus on certain areas and know that I am changing, lots.. And I can accept compliments and love that other people see these changes in me, however, when do I get to look in the mirror and not see that 315 lb girl.. Is this something I will carry around with me for a lifetime? Working on this, daily.. I have hope & fight daily for ways to feel & see my beauty!

So each day, I do a few things which help me celebrate my accomplishments without guilt.. And to do that it has to be things that keep me level headed and feeling good..For instance, I practice gratitude daily - SO important to never lose sight of gratitude, whether on a journey or not, because life is so precious and beautiful and should be appreciated on a daily basis.  Paying it forward, is also very important to me, whether lending advice or picking someone up & dusting them off, or simply practicing a random act of kindness.. It all, in turn, brings a sense of positivity and my mindset and awareness changes, and it helps me feel better about me, the people that surround me and life in general.. And lastly, acknowledging my accomplishments.. When I have a list of accomplishments, it helps me to really see what I have achieved in this journey and reminds me to pat myself on the back, and that I am deserving of feeling this good because I have worked hard for it..

Today, I have decided to share my accomplishments (big & small) , as a means to motivate, or maybe even help someone celebrate their own successes with weight loss.. I know listing these accomplishments makes me feel so damn good and there are SO many things that people might not even realize I struggled with at 315 lbs, so no matter how small these accomplishments may seem to you, each and every one of them are huge wins for me..

So here are my accomplishments, in no particular order that I can think of up to date.. 

- weight loss, 91 lbs so far..
- being able to slow down & take my time to eat
- starting to now recognize when I am full, which is something I really struggle with as a binger.. 
- eating in a calm, quiet setting - mealtimes were always so chaotic and felt impossible to me..
- I am now able to run up the stairs from bottom to top, no holding onto rails to pull myself up anymore..
- I can cross my legs!!!! (and LOVE that I can) - I continually squeal about this one.. 
- I can now do pushups & situps, & increasing them as time goes on, what a great feeling..
- I can put my feet up on my chair underneath me or knees up in front of me on the chair..
- I have lost inches from my hips, thighs & arms since starting this journey - I need to remeasure for my updated measurements..
- my increased energy level, is through the roof.. i often offer to do the footwork because i 'can' when at one time i made excuses and sought ways out of getting up & moving ...
- an immense boost in self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love.. <3
- my self-bully (my inner critic) rarely shows herself, when at one time i couldn't shut her up...
- I am able to do things to take care of my well-being without being told to, but merely because I want to, and feel deserving of that.
- I always look out for my best interests now.
- I always seek new things that will help me on my journey..
- I follow through with things now, such as a Newcomer Orientation in December for Overeater's Anonymous, i attended & completed the course..
- I attended a family get together in December, first one in years & years, because I was isolating myself and pushed everyone away.
- welcoming friends & family back into my life, old friendships, & gaining new friendships.. Lots of time to make up for.. 
- I get out with friends, make plans and am the one to initiate making those plans often - & i keep them and getting my life back, finally..
- I not only make appointments now, but I keep them rather than make excuses and not show up.
- I now defend myself  (I know, this one surprises me too!)
- I can now compliment myself (& do so daily) - & accept compliments from others without finding a way to put myself down..
- pampering myself & taking care of myself, appreciating my beauty and loving the girl I am & feeling deserving of that.. 
- I got on a plane and travelled to Oregon in October - when most of my life, I wouldn't even leave my house to go anywhere..
- I approach people and say hello with a smile, rather than put my head down and hope they won't see me.. \
- I am now a pro-active parent, and have that feels amazing, because being a good mother is so important to me, & I've a lot of guilt to work through in terms of that..
- I haven't touched Diet Pepsi, potato chips or my binge foods since April of 2011, amazing!!
- I have just recently started counting my days of abstinence, though I've been abstinent a long while, I didn't feel deserving of that acknowledgement, until now!
- I can jog, not just walk, when at one time I had difficulty even walking.. 
- I started a running program yesterday, and am training for my first Marathon in August with some girls at the gym!
- I can now keep up with everyday chores, be organized & work on a less chaotic environment each and everyday..
- I can wear shirts with no sleeves, because of that self-confidence - even if I feel self conscious about my arms still.
- I can look at myself, naked and appreciate the skin I am in and the beautiful girl looking back at me & feel confidence naked, again. 
- finding my own motivation now daily, without struggle, & not having to depend on other's for motivation each & everytime..
- I can now look in the mirror, head to toe, when at one time I would only look and focus on one area that needed to be focused on .. 
- SMILING - all the time, when i greet people, when I talk, I love getting back that part of myself, I've missed her.
- opening up spiritually, finally,  meditation & finding a Spirituality that is for me.. 
- allowing myself peace of mind daily (taking "me" time) whether reading, meditation, doing something for myself , just because..
- finding forgiveness for others and being open-minded for change.. 
- accepting and owning up to my own wrong-doings, making amends and continuous, honest self-work..
- having a more positive mind & thought process - enjoying that the glass is not only half full, but brimming!
- being more mindful of all the beauty that surrounds me daily, with nature, people i love, & all of the good in this world.. 
- appreciating things, no matter how big or small .. 
- finally starting to get a handle on my finances now that i am not bingeing anymore, that feels amazing to say, let alone feel.
- more control over food when surrounded by the no-no foods (my binge foods).. 
- being able to share about my compulsive overeating & eating disorder so freely, publicly.. 
- no more isolating myself... 
- no more hiding to eat, & no more hiding foods to keep for myself..
- I attend daily meetings, for compulsive overeating with Overeater's Anonymous, both online and f2f (face to face) when possible..without fight!
- I am successfully distancing negative people from my life..
- paying it forward, inspiring & helping others & giving myself the recognition when I do.. 
- I push myself daily, no matter how hard and challenging it all seems, because I am determined & deserving.
- I challenge myself to try new things, almost daily now.. 
- no more swollen ankles !! & no more pain in my legs !!
- got myself off of high blood pressure medication & have a healthy blood pressure now, wow!
- no more breathing heavy when i walk normal now.. 
- difference in the way my clothes fit, wearing a size 20 (when I was a size 26, and size 20 is now loose on me!)
- I have fit into an extra large shirt for the first time in years.. 
- no more pinching at my tummy & bruising it, no more self-abusive behaviors, period.
- I very rarely set myself up anymore, when I would continuously set myself up and then enjoy watching myself downspiral.
- I have a Sponsor, that I work with daily..
- I have been trying new things (bellydancing, Zumba, pilates, running, getting out and doing fun things at home!)
- finished my Jillian workout DVD for the first time from beginning to end (Jan 26)
- letting go of my Diet Mentality 
- not obsessing the numbers as much (weight, calories  burned, etc when i would over obsess those and calculate all day everyday)
- no more bingeing, no more purging - while the thoughts are still there - i work daily to overcome that.. one step at a time.. 
- accepting I am deserving of being loved, loving relationships & am able to be present, honest & love with all my heart...
- no more manipulating or making excuses.. 

I continually add to my list and keep the paper nearby, so I can reflect on it and be proud of myself.. It also helps motivate me to keep going, I've so many more things I want to conquer, and I know I can do it.. If I could offer any advice to anyone wanting to lose weight, it would be this.. Seek every bit of positivity in your day and hang on to that, believe in yourself and it all happens in steps, baby steps even... It won't all happen overnight, so take it one step at a time, and celebrate your success, every single day..

Here are some things I do daily & had to change in order to make this happen.. 

- be honest with yourself, always .. 
- drink water, water, water.. Can't even stress that enough.. It's all I drink..
- I gave up the Sodapop, potato chips, chocolate, etc.. I, personally, can't eat in moderation (that's me being honest with myself).. 
- Eat lots of fresh foods.. I don't eat processed foods anymore - because I super watch my sodium intake as well.  Clean eating!
- I make healthy choices when eating out - look for menus online and familiarize yourself with the menus..
- Pre-plan !! I pre-plan my meals, my exercise routine & what time I am attending a meeting the day before, helps keep me accountable.. 
- At least 30 mins of exercise a day, works for me.. I aim for more, but on busy days (long work shifts) I fit in at least 30.. 
- Challenge yourself - try new things .. & learn something new everyday..
- Pay it forward - practice random acts of kindness.. 
- Do things for yourself - take 'you' time.. meditate, read, pamper yourself..
- Compliment yourself - practice gratitude & list your the positivity! 
- Healthy up your favorite recipes - no feeling deprived that way!
- distance negative people and negative situations - it does a world of good!
- learn to do things for yourself (like going to the gym or going for a walk).. don't depend on others..
- set small goals, big goals overwhelm me, so i aim for 10 lbs at a time or set exercise goals, etc..

Just remember, you are worth it, if it's what you want & need.. I am a firm believer in beauty comes in all shapes & sizes.. My healthy journey was for my  health & well-being , and because I wasn't happy in the body I was in, that was dangerous to my well-being.. My depression, the isolation, the disease and what bingeing and purging was doing to my health, my high blood pressure and my complete disconnect with the world... So I needed this for my own peace of mind - I see more & more each day, that I was beautiful even at 315 lbs and that I can look back now and realize it wasn't about my size, but about my disease and own inner happiness.. Making the changes I am making (for my health) is helping me lose weight.. I am working hard, daily, to ensure I don't get caught up in the weight loss and numbers, because this journey is about being healthy, finding happiness, building self-esteem and of course working on my Recovery.. The weight loss is an added plus to my journey, and one that I accept with gratitude.. I have no set goals, and am very much just enjoying the experience and the journey itself..

In recovery,
- sylvie

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