They say with each stumble, comes growth.
This week the most important part of my journey has been happening. Embracing the sweet little girl within, the one who felt hurt, neglected, hopeless, scared and most of all worthless. A girl who felt she had to grow up far too fast in life. She forgot how to have fun and found ways to blame all of the hurt on herself. She learned to internalize her emotions and went into self-protective mode to do the best she could with what she had and the hands she was dealt.
Getting to know this girl has been an absolute treat. There are things within I squelched an entire lifetime for fear of how others would think of me. Suddenly, here I am, 41 years old embarking on the most glorious journey getting to know this wonderful, infectious girl who just happens to be me. So many years of isolating, self-abuse and living with fear. Fear of stepping forward and being 'me', because I didn't feel worthy or deserving.
There is so much inside of me brimming to get out. A courageous thrill-seeker who wants to try new, daring things. A silly, fun-loving, playful girl who makes the best of the simple things in life and faces it all with a smile or a laugh. A gentle, caring being who wants to allow friendships deep within her heart and live again. A curious girl who wants to explore and who has curiousity enough to investigate the world for years with amazement at each treasure she will find.
These are only pieces of that girl I have met thus far, and so much more to know just yet. Food has helped stuff this incredible being far out of reach for the majority of my lifetime. It feels magical to be on this journey with so many incredible people who understand these very things I am going through. And do believe that today marks the first day that I truly feel I am on the right path, with the right balance and making my way. I look forward to the day where the girl within becomes my very best friend in life. Walking this life with her hand in mine as we travel life's destiny will be a treasure, indeed.
<3 syl.
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