2. I don't push myself harder when I am acheiving something, I hold myself back .. For example, weight loss, exercise, my recovery.
- I have started and am leading a Weight Loss Support Group for employees at my work, me included.
A few weeks ago, I found out that while I have been abstinent for over a year now from my binge foods, I have only been physically abstinent, not emotionally abstinent.. I am filled with chaos within, even moreso than ever now.. I went so long feeling free from the obsession of food, 103 lbs lost and a great set of daily tools to use and keep myself on the right path. I thought I had it in the bag, and here I am throwing things aside and food dominating my thoughts once again. I have been so close, SO close to losing myself back to where I started. I can do mountains of work and push myself ahead step by step for over a year, and I can lose all of that with simply one bite of food.
- I most certainly CAN, just like anybody else out there. No one can tell me differently. If I can't, it's because I wasn't meant to, not because I am a failure.
- I owe this to myself, KC & the children, to be the best me I can be. Mostly, to myself though, because it is "I" who has the doubts in my achieving all of the possibilities out there..
- I am no one's doormat, I am deserving & worthy and will work on no longer dwelling.
- This is where I pick myself up, put myself back out there, commit to my priorities - and accept that recovery doesn't land on my doorstep, it's hard work, every single day.
- This is a lifetime commitment, there will be good day, and there will be challenging days. (I don't like saying bad days, because challenging days become good days, when lessons are learned and growth happens because of it)
- When I am not true to using ALL of my tools each day, I set myself up to lose my path to recovery.. And the fight becomes harder each time.
- Starting school, graduating & the employment possibilities that come afterwards.
- Continuing with my Sponsor, recovery, counsellor & dietician without procrastination & make my recovery a priority in my life.
- Working through the 12 steps and completing them
- Working through self forgiveness, letting go of the rest of the negative people and things in my life, and striving forward, positively ready for a life with more peace, happiness & self -acceptance..
- Continuing to train to run, run some 5k, 8k & 10k's, with goals of a half marathon and full marathon in Orlando, Florida in January of 2015
- Allowing myself 'me' time, to take up hobbies again, seek new hobbies, and find the quality of life again.
- To get myself financially right again - consolidate and get that behind me, budget and work for a healthy future.
- Starting a Youtube channel, to go with my blog and facebook page and using them all to my full advantage, each day without procrastinating.
Today, marks the day I start the hard work, honestly.. And today marks the day this all becomes my priority..
Much love to you all - Thank you for your continued support on my journey..